


Human Emotions

by fairydustedtheory



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Derek Hale-centric, Feral Derek Hale, I don't know how to tag it, I'm tagging because I really want people to be safe reading this, M/M, mention of death and grief, mention of past dub/non con, this is sort of a poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:41:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23478637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairydustedtheory/pseuds/fairydustedtheory
Summary: Derek is feral in the woods
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, past Derek Hale/Jennifer Blake, past Derek Hale/Kate Argent
Comments: 8
Kudos: 129





	Human Emotions

**Author's Note:**

> So again, this is sort of a poem. I had a lot of feelings writing that. 
> 
> It is not the same kind of writing as my two other sterek fics. I am still working through my long fic which is sooo wordy and I needed to go feral with basic instincts if you will and this was born.  
> There are probably tons of better written feral derek fics out there, but hey. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this.  
> Pls do not repost anywhere, thank you.
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://fairydustedtheory.tumblr.com/tagged/plot%20twist%20:%20i%20write)

It comes and goes, brought in and taken away by the waves of the winds through the trees.

Human emotions.

Derek hates the days he feels human.

  
  


He let himself be feral. He doesn't remember how long it has been. Time is not the same as a wolf.

*

The days he feels human, he remembers.

He remembers the loss of innocence.

When he was thirteen, a rogue alpha crossed the Hale territory back in California and ripped his sister to shreds. The only friend he ever had. Derek doesn't let himself think about it, he doesn't let himself think about the weeks, months his sister spent agonizing, trying to heal and inevitably failing.

Wounds wolves get from alphas are a tricky little thing. They don't heal right sometimes. It all depends on the powers the alpha had. It all depends on your pack bonds.

Derek knows. He has met alphas in the woods, some parts of him still hurt from it. He won't heal right being alone.

Derek doesn't want to remember how much of a coward he is. How he couldn't bring himself to go see his sister dying. How he couldn't try to make it better.

Who knows what it would have done to the healing process had Derek been there to hold his sister's hand. No one would ever know.

Derek blocked it all out. He went on with life like nothing ever happened. He never went to see his sister hurt, he froze it in his memory as the smiling kid she was. Never hurt, never really dead.

He went to school and went to college, never really letting himself feel anything after that.

*

The days he feels wolf, he walks his way through the woods to the edge of the pond. Derek doesn't think about his human life when a sun beam reflects on the ice, a glitter catches his eye.

There is no time, no space, just him, as the sun shines high.

He doesn't think anything of it when he consciously chooses to walk on a worn path used by many others, other humans. The little signs are nailed on the large frost-coated trunks along his way.

Yet it feels like wilderness, because he, himself, is wild.

*

The days he feels human, he remembers.

There was this girl when he was in college, she stole something from him. She wanted him, Kate was her name. She had a wicked smile and a way to make him shiver. She was the French TA his freshman year of college.

She stole his first I love you one night when she had slipped into his dorm room. It wasn't what he meant when he had said "je t'aime trop."

He just wanted to tell her, he had never felt anything. He wanted to tell her, it didn't feel right. He wanted her to understand it felt wrong, too much.

Just too much.

She replied I love you too. He didn't contradict her and let her kiss him. She didn't mean it either.

*

The days he feels wolf, Derek feels a wave of energy coming from outside. It passes through him as it would any other tree or any animal belonging there.

Because he does.

Derek feels wolf.

Pine trees are hidden in snow, only some branches have access to the light. He watches the mountain under its grey and white cover. A telluric current sharing a deeper connection between the force of nature and his little insignificant being.

The echo of a human heart is pounding against his claws buried in the snow.

*

The days he feels human, he remembers.

There was a woman. She said she was as messed up as he was. She said she loved him. She said she would be with him forever. She told him how to act. She knew about werewolves, she knew what he was. She knew how to turn it to her advantage. She convinced him to move in with her, she made him feel good but also bad.

Derek wanted to fight it, how wrong it felt sometimes, most times, but Derek is a coward.

He hated sex with her. How wrong it felt. One night, Jennifer had found that strange kind of wolfsbane. She made these cocktails, kept repeating how fun it was going to be. Derek never knew what was in them, they burned down his throat, swallowed the uneasy feeling. Derek doesn't remember except hot flashes. She said he wanted it, she said they had so much fun. Derek didn't contradict her. Derek only felt sick, couldn't shake the wrong from his skin.

*

When Jennifer left him, Derek could have gone back to the preserve. He could have gone to his mother.

Derek went feral.

Derek ran, reckless and pushing as fast and far as he could, wind blowing through his black fur until his paws felt ice. Until all he had left to walk on was the icy path across unknown mountains.

All the colors had been drained out of the sky. Life would be easier in black and white.

*

The days he feels human, he lets himself sleep curled up in the roots of the old tree the furthest away from all the trails humans could possibly want to walk on.

He doesn't let himself look at the sky, when his pupils try to change back to their human form.

He doesn't open his eyes at all.

*

The days he feels wolf, he doesn't look at the silhouette of the boy across the pond. He doesn't see the red of his winter coat. He doesn't think about the boy who only has a penny in his pocket and a backpack almost empty.

He doesn't think about the boy with snowshoes on his feet and bright eyes staring right through him.

*

The sun shines high. The countless frozen tears from heaven are twinkling in their last gasps of existence. The boy across the pond breathes heavily. Each breath flying up in the air in its own kind of perfection. Derek sees it, but he knows the memory will disappear at some point, just like snow melting under the sun.

Derek feels wolf. Wolves don't keep images of boys across ponds in their memory.

*

Cattails swing in the wind. Icicles embellish some branches of their ornaments. Most of the trees are scattered on the ground.. The beavers did their work consciously.

Puddles of sparkling light are shaping a dotted line between the trunks. If Derek were to follow their path, he knows his eyes would land on the boy across the pond again.

The wolf doesn't know if it's a different day. This time and place is stuck in a fleeting moment. Does he keep coming back here, knowing the boy will be ?

*

One moment, the boy moves. He steps towards the pond. There are some open spaces, the ice is not completely dissipated. The wolf knows it's not strong enough. No footprint appears on the ephemeral ground above water. The only track is the one of a moose getting around, the boy should not try to walk on this icy ground. Derek stares. Stubborn human, the boy will not follow the moose.

The boy is not a feather flying in the wind. Still, he keeps moving. The first step and then the second come naturally. Derek stares. A few more steps, the boy is already half way across the pond. The trees are too far to protect him there and the wind is blowing.

The frostbitten scent of woods does not hurt the wolf's lungs. The scent of this human boy does a little bit. He smells of home.

*

Folleti _,_ the little windy spirits, are playing in the crystal dust. Does the boy know about the faes of this forest ? Does the boy know what he's getting himself into ?

*

It comes and goes through the waves of singing of birds and splashes of fish.

Human emotions.

In a flash, Derek's pupils see red before it goes back to black and white. He wants to leave. The wolf wants to stay. There's silence except for the bird singing faintly in the background. The wolf's heart is warm while everything is cold under the sun. A frosting peace found through the art of sauntering. A whirl of snow is brought up by the wind. The powder is dancing in the air. Derek's attention is drawn to the small hole on the side. Running water is pounding against the layers of ice and snow.

*

Suddenly the echo of a crack mixed with the sound of a voice comes to the wolf's ears. Neither a shriek nor a cry for help. It was laughter. The forest spirits played a nice little trick on the boy. The wolf also wants to laugh at their joke. The wolf’s tongue lolls out of his mouth and he pants through a smirk.

*

The boy seems to be stuck. The ice broke and his left snowshoe fell through the thin crust.

The boy on the pond laughs. He is stuck. He tries to get up but his hands are only sinking into the snow without getting a hold on anything. He is still laughing. The sound of the human voice disturbs the peace of this intimate space. Derek has half a mind to bark in response.

*

The boy pushes on his right foot and topples over. Free.

His laughter goes from the water to Derek, from the wind, from the trees to Derek. The fairy spirits are watching over the water, in the water. The wolf knows they are all linked together. The boy is there on the pond, he is also everywhere else.

The boy hobbles a few steps toward the edge. There's a large hole on the track of his footprints, mocking, water flowing. The boy pants heavily on the bank, breathless from laughter, breathless from cold.

The wolf wants to go to him, keep him warm. Derek hesitates. Nature lavishes her wisdom only on the wildest of minds. In doubt, Derek trusts the wolf.

*

The boy's eyes are now following some fairy giggling above his head. But the human cannot see her. She has to be invisible to the boy's eyes. Yet, he follows her charming choreography in the sky, and he watches the meteor dust falling from her tiny dancing feet. Only the wolf knows the magic dust is still twirling around. They should be able to fly now.

Derek wants to get lost deep into the enchanted living woods. The wolf wants to bring the boy with him.

*

The boy lies there on the snow, sun beam on his skin, the raw coldness of winter coming in and out of his lungs. A drop of melted ice falls on Derek's snout.

The boy stays there. His palms open to the sky, he breathes deeply. His heart is pounding as his eyes land on Derek.

"Hey, buddy," the boy gently smiles.

The wolf takes a step closer.

"Do you remember me ?"

*

The wolf remembers. Derek does too now.

He remembers going back to the preserve. He remembers living again.

He remembers this boy. His laughs. The softness of his skin under Derek's fingers. He remembers how right this boy felt. How his love felt. He remembers his kisses. So many kisses.

  
  


Then the wolf remembers the fire. Remembers the feeling of wrong and dread like never before. The wolf wants to howl and run.

  
  


"No no no no. Don't go" the boy says, so earnestly. "Come on, Big Guy. Stay with me."

  
  


Derek stays. The boy feels like home. Derek knows his pupils have shifted because he sees the bright hazel in the boy's eyes. He sees the love.

*

It comes and goes in the waves of the flowing water of the pond. It comes from the earth and the wind. Through the chatter of the beavers hidden under the ice.

Human emotions.

Derek knows he has been found.

  
  


FIN

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed the story, consider leaving a kudo/comment.  
> Find me on [tumblr](https://fairydustedtheory.tumblr.com/tagged/plot%20twist%20:%20i%20write)


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